Since the inception of advertising, those who work in marketing have attempting to reduce their target demographics down to an essence, the building-blocks of the entire group. A simple, blank canvas in roughly the shape of what they’re attempting to appeal to, onto which they can project a positive reaction to their products or services. This side of the marketing exchange simulation is commonly referred to as a “stereotype”, and the ones that advertisers have schemed up for womankind are some of the greatest:
1 – Every Woman is on a Diet. Forever.
If there are edible items and a human being with two X-chromosomes on the screen at the same time, you can bet that those food items and that human are at war. Perhaps it is a lover’s quarrel, with the human pining away for the cheesecake or deep-fried butter sticks she enjoyed in days long gone. Or perhaps it is a cold war, with the food sitting smugly on a kitchen counter or behind a baker’s glass while the human makes squinty eyes at it. What is the cause of such enmity between the woman and the food? Diets, of course. Because every female of the human species wanders the earth in perpetual struggle against a dark, secret side of her. A side that hungers for…food! To stave off this darkness, these women are often shown choking down pseudo-foods, like diet bars or shakes, as if they were vampires forced to subsist off some lab-manufactured imitation of their natural prey.
2 – Women Like To Dance. For Literally No Reason, and At Literally Any Time.
In the commercial-verse, a frightening parallel universe to our own which operates on no solid set of physical laws that we know of, women just love to dance. They’re always kicking off their shoes and breaking into glorious, expressive happy-dances at the drop of a hat. Cleaning? Why not clean AND dance? Walking down a busy city street in comfy new shoes? Dance-walk! That new brand of deodorant is working really well? Dance with your arms up!
3 – Women Are Good At Yoga
This is a weirdly-specific stereotype, almost too weirdly specific. There might be some kind of conspiracy surrounding this one. It’s seen quite often, in movies and diet commercials—women toting their yoga mats around town, women striking perfect yoga poses, men not being good at yoga (because they’re men, get it?), women talking to each other as they leave the yoga studio. Honestly, though, yoga’s very popular and there probably are quite a few women who do it on a regular basis, but has anyone ever seen someone actually be good at yoga?
4 – Women Love Yogurt
Yogurt helps women lose weight, too, commercials are usually sure to mention that. These yogurt commercials typically depict yogurt eating as a social activity, often engaged in by women gathered to eat yogurt, talk about yogurt, and laugh when one of them makes a particularly good, yogurt-themed joked.
5 – When Women Receive Gifts Of Jewelry, They Lose the Ability to Speak
A female human’s speech mechanism is temporarily dislodged upon discovering that she has been given precious metals or stones as a gift. Physical signs of this include an open, gaping mouth, wide eyes, a sharp intake of breath, and the placing of a hand over her heart area. Do not attempt to interfere with a female during this time, or to reverse the effects of the jewelry by removing it. This will cause the speech mechanism to misfire, typically resulting in loud, sharp words directed at the remover.